Parenting with Intent
Intentional parenting means choosing to raise children with a defined desired outcome.
The motive is driven by who or what they need to become. What values and character traits are you trying to preserve for the next generation? More importantly, what do you want to instill that is powerful enough to not only be evident in your ADULT children but will withstand and pass on THROUGH to your grandchildren, great grandchildren, etc.?
"Teaching moment!!!" This is the inward cry of the intentional parent's heart when facing a critical moment where you must address your child's issue, failure, or a potential disaster. Like when my teenage daughter casually wants to know if I will take her to get a navel piercing. Or the second grader tells me not to leave blue hair dye off the shopping list. Or when the subject matter has a much more grievous and lasting impact--my discovery that at two weeks post-birthday, my eighteen year old had STILL not mailed his voter registration in because he was uncertain of his political party. (I admit I had to struggle past mortification before I gathered myself for THAT teaching moment.)
I hear it all the time: parents hate to say no. We hate to deny our kids anything. Oh, we want to give them the whole world. NOT ME. I love to say NO. I like the way it feels when uttered like an expletive. Let them grow up and go get the world for themselves-they will appreciate it more that way. And if we are lucky, they may take better care of it if the earn it. See, that would be an important lesson. And not only do I love to say NO, I like to follow it up by explaining, WHY NOT.
I like to sit my captive audience down and watch him or her grow ever more surly as I expound upon the reasons I am denying their petition. It is a wonderful thing to watch as they pass from indignation, to apathy, on to that carefully crafted zombie-eyed stare. And then as we hover on the fifth point of my explanation and are creeping into the second half hour of the lecture....there it is. If only for a few flickering fleeting seconds. COMPREHENSION. And the life lesson is planted. It WILL take root. We may not get to see that part, but it's there, thinly veiled behind......ahhhhhh: indignation again.
One day, if nurtured correctly, it may come into view as the blossom of our intentional parenting efforts. Pay careful attention, as it may show itself in the oddest of forms. It may be that moment when your thirteen year old daughter faces the wrath of her friends by stepping in to stop vicious gossip. Or maybe when you son quits flirting with the young waitress to hold a door open for the elderly lady in the coffee shop. Or maybe you will see it in your seven year old as she prays through her tears after an election result. And then again, it may not show itself for years and years until your grown child calls you in disgust and says, "Thanks, Mom. I sound just like YOU!"
They listen. They hear. They process your teachings. I want to parent with intent. I am responsible not just for their needs and wants, but for their "shoulds." So they become who they were meant to be.
I hear it all the time: parents hate to say no. We hate to deny our kids anything. Oh, we want to give them the whole world. NOT ME. I love to say NO. I like the way it feels when uttered like an expletive. Let them grow up and go get the world for themselves-they will appreciate it more that way. And if we are lucky, they may take better care of it if the earn it. See, that would be an important lesson. And not only do I love to say NO, I like to follow it up by explaining, WHY NOT.
I like to sit my captive audience down and watch him or her grow ever more surly as I expound upon the reasons I am denying their petition. It is a wonderful thing to watch as they pass from indignation, to apathy, on to that carefully crafted zombie-eyed stare. And then as we hover on the fifth point of my explanation and are creeping into the second half hour of the lecture....there it is. If only for a few flickering fleeting seconds. COMPREHENSION. And the life lesson is planted. It WILL take root. We may not get to see that part, but it's there, thinly veiled behind......ahhhhhh: indignation again.
One day, if nurtured correctly, it may come into view as the blossom of our intentional parenting efforts. Pay careful attention, as it may show itself in the oddest of forms. It may be that moment when your thirteen year old daughter faces the wrath of her friends by stepping in to stop vicious gossip. Or maybe when you son quits flirting with the young waitress to hold a door open for the elderly lady in the coffee shop. Or maybe you will see it in your seven year old as she prays through her tears after an election result. And then again, it may not show itself for years and years until your grown child calls you in disgust and says, "Thanks, Mom. I sound just like YOU!"
They listen. They hear. They process your teachings. I want to parent with intent. I am responsible not just for their needs and wants, but for their "shoulds." So they become who they were meant to be.
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