Sorrow and Glory



Last month, I turned 40.  And I have looked forward to it for some time.  Six months ago, I stopped living in fear and started surviving.

Losses and gains.  Sorrow and glory.

That's kind of indicative of life's ultimate course: both sides of the coin-joy through pain.  Everything brings a lesson, and my 39th year taught me that we are the sum of our parts, so it is okay to fall to pieces.

I have the perseverance of a Richardson.

I have the confidence of a Mills.

I have the Bailey spirit

and I love like a Garrison.

And I guess those things determine what I bring to the Poyner family. 

But I wasn't always as in touch with the fractious side of humanity.  At 28 I decided that no one was playing fair, so I took my toys and left the party.  Truly, I vacated the life I had been bricking together for the better part of my 3 decades.  In hindsight, I guess that is not a fair statement, because 'vacating' led me to realize that I had not been building anything.  I had simply been letting life settle around me....like sediment.  And it was unstable, like sand.

So I moved on, found a worthy foundation and only THEN did I begin to brick something together.  The first evidence of edifice.  And it was finally something to claim.

So when last summer hit, and my own body threatened to take all that away from me, I didn't even consider allowing that to happen.  I set my sights on 40 and made a beeline.  Now everyday is a celebration of what I have, and what I could have lost.  Today, I will take getting older above the alternative.  I am not quite done making my mark.